pregnancy – Birth and Botox

During my first trimester, I was researching, interviewing, and coming to terms in my own soul with what was right for me in terms of a provider and birth plans, I chose to not share my home birth considerations with basically anyone other than my husband and support groups online. I highly highly recommend this. During a time of decision making, it is important to not be subjected to a million opinions OR other people’s negative, traumatic experiences with birth and their own fears. I have spent a lot of time growing into a person who can stand on her own two feet and not give a shit about what other people think about me or say BUT, when in a vulnerable space such as being pregnant…and making these personal choices, I believe it’s important to protect that space spiritually and mentally. The use of DISCRETION is key. Even throughout the second trimester I chose to not tell people because…well, it didn’t feel necessary and I was still moving through some tests and things that could’ve risked me out of prepping for a home birth so I didn’t think it felt “real” enough to even share.

I’m 31 weeks pregnant and I feel differently. I made it through the decision making process of the first trimester as I gained tons of information and I spent the second trimester settling into it all myself, and in the third trimester now, I feel confident in my choices and am super excited about birth! I also want to normalize my choices (as a home birth plan is new for me given my first was a desired natural birth turned c section due to frank breech at 37 weeks). I do want to share all this info I have learned as well to other women but also know that might not be my place, or the time yet. Another place to use that lovely word DISCRETION. Other women may want a scheduled c section, an induction, etc. and that is cool, more power to you. I’m not trying to push for all women to have natural births. I just hope there is more real informed consent happening around all of it one day…for example, every women actually being told the risks of an epidural to mom and baby or how inducing labor changes labor and has a high rate of leading to c section or how our posture affects baby’s positioning the whole pregnancy.

Off on a tangent again…So, I am now openly sharing my home birth plans to people if 1. they ask specifically, and 2. I feel capable of detaching from their reactions. Being in the preparation phase for birth now, I do mostly feel able to detach from others’ reactions because I just don’t care what others think but…I’m not about to get into debates about it or try to justify my choices to skeptical, fearful people. There are still some people I won’t share it with because, well it’s a personal healthcare and family choice that really isn’t anyone’s business. But just like everything on the pregnancy journey, my perspective has now shifted and Im in the space of being excited for our plans, super happy with my provider (a home birth/birth center midwife), and wanting to normalize the process for myself, because, contrary to our culture, it is normal and I believe in physiological birth.

What are your experiences with this? Sharing or not sharing birth plans (whatever they may have been) and what worked for you?

I’ve been an avid vinyasa yogi since 2009, practicing 3-5 times a week (or more in the early days). I taught for 4 years somewhere around 2011-2015. During my first pregnancy in 2017/2018, I continued my vinyasa practice (which at that point had stopped being practiced in a heated studio) but was still a rigorous vinyasa overall. It was a little more balanced and restorative than my earliest years practicing as yoga really started to infiltrate my philosophies, but again, still strong. I built my Sthira in my life and practice first. It was the dominate side of the coin in most areas of my life. During y first pregnancy, I maintained my inversion practice, planks, downdogs, steadily throughout my whole pregnancy. I primarily attended “Vinyasa All Levels” classes in which I would modify as I felt necessary and sometimes took the more advanced classes because I could still. I had/have a “strong” physical yoga practice. I took a prenatal yoga once a week as well but I always felt “not challenged enough and that it was just not enough of what I needed. I probably practiced 3 times a week, maybe only 2 towards the end. I believed I was modifying appropriately (not doing closed twists, not going onto my stomach obviously and doing lots of cats/cows while the class was doing other stuff. I was taking it easier than normal but… still going into my flow with steady strength. That’s how I knew how to find my mental and emotional strength, through the physical. Of course I’d also try to soften as well, but I’d say I proceeded with “my normal” of tapping into sthira with my asana practice. I felt great afterwards, and never felt pain indicating I should be doing otherwise. I do recall a prenatal teacher talking about how it was important to not do planks because of too much abdominal work and rarely called for them, even with knees down. I of course, modified to maybe not doing the “push up” when in regular classes but still holding the plank steadily and inverting easily because I had the ab strength. I thought that her suggestions were more for people new to yoga…not someone who knew her practice and body well.

Well… hindsight is of course 20/20 and I know that there were many factors involved in having a breech baby with baby #1 (genetics included as my father was breech, born vaginally of course bc it used to be a normal OB occurrence), and the universal plan for me and my son bc it’s led me down a new path, BUT… I am fairly sure that my insistence to remain strong in my practice (which meant a strong core) hindered the space available for my baby to turn when he needed to. I have learned SOOOO much now through Spinning Babies, books, others’ experiences, midwives, true prenatal yoga, chiropractors, and acupuncturists specializing with pregnant women…about how the ligaments and muscles around the abdomen/back/thighs/buttocks obviously can become tight, and restrict the proper body balance necessary for baby to do it’s thing. Hell, I get tight in my hips/pelvis just walking a lot all day. No I do not believe that I directly made my baby breech because I practiced vinyasa yoga. I do think though that the overall way in which I approached my yoga practice, with rigor, was also how I approached a lot of my daily activities. I was active. I know being physically active is a positive for pregnancy, but I did not focus on SOFTENING as well or really changing my level of normal during the new physical experience of pregnancy. I thought I did, but knowing what I know now, I didn’t really. By softening I mean, turning it down a notch (or two or three), slowing down, doing less, not walking full speed all day at school up and down halls as I was a teacher at the time (I definitely still did that), or saying no to more stuff/events/people. I didn’t slow down much, because it didn’t seem necessary. I also dealt with moving apartments twice during pregnancy and prepping a home (which of course I still took on a lot of myself…well because I could and why wouldn’t I? I was a strong capable pregnant lady.)

I am now 23 weeks pregnant again and my mantra is “It’s Safe to Soften.” I am looking at that other side of the coin. I am inviting in more sukha. Strength has never been something that was hard for me. Softening is, and has been. It’s definitely a spiritual process, and I’ve softened a lot in the last decade for sure, but again, it still hasn’t been my normal.

The ways in which I’m tangibly softening are:

1. Doing less (For example. I am not practicing vinyasa yoga in general. I have totally shifted my asana practice to be walking daily, chasing a toddler, picking him up and down and playing on the floor with him, and attending one 75 minute prenatal yoga class in which we talk for like 15 min of it and focus primarily on going inward, meditating, making noise, and moving slowly. We only traveled for Thanksgiving, and will not travel now again until post baby… who knows when. We aren’t having out of town family visitors until after baby after like a month. I am focusing on family time and keeping it simple with daily activities. I go to bed a max of two hours post my toddler (before 9 pm every night).

2. Prayer and meditation. I am aware of my need for more softening so I am inviting it in with my prayer and meditation with my concept of a Higher Power.

3. I am visualizing my body soften and opening and releasing old stress or emotional baggage.

4. I’ve done therapeutic things to do #3. (example was telling my birth story of the c section for more healing from that experience).

Whatever happens on this pregnancy journey this time now…I am learning how to balance my sthira and sukha better. Some progress…

Tag: pregnancy

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Yoga: First vs Second Pregnancy. Sthira/Sukha Imbalance