April 19, 2020 (10 days postpartum) *at the height of COVID fears/protocols being put in place in US)
Our little man, Hawkins, was born on April 9 at 2:58 pm at 8 lbs 2 oz. I am so very grateful for the birth experience that we had, even with it’s challenges. It was a powerful experience.
Early/prodromal labor started on Tuesday morning, contractions around 30 seconds long and 5-7 min apart, but slowed overnight to contractions every ten minutes. I experienced the same up and down labor pattern all day Wednesday. I literally got to 3-5 minutes apart (having an app say “go to hospital” :), a few times. However, they wouldn’t stay consistently over 1-2 hours, indicating that I wasn’t fully in “active” labor.” but I have to say… it felt active to me. Contractions were 3-5 minutes apart during the day and lasted around 50 seconds but would slow again at times to 5-10 minutes and shorten in duration. I am amazed at my ability to stay “calm” and move through these. I did however, hit the place of “I don’t know if I can do this anymore” about 3 times over the course of the 3 days. I remember on Wednesday night especially, being on the couch laboring, with my husband trying to sleep for an hour or two, and my doula also getting some rest, feeling so afraid that I wasn’t going to be able to do it, and not wanting to go to the hospital where I’d for sure have interventions put on me. It was a physical, mental, emotional rollercoaster. My birth doula came on Tuesday night at midnight. (She was actually a backup doula because my main doula who I had been working with had had a fluke fever within the two weeks prior of birth for one night so according to the rules with COVID-19 precautions with our midwifery care she wasn’t allowed at the birth). Our backup doula had to spend a lot of her time just helping with our 20 month old because we couldn’t have a specific person for childcare due to Covid-19 as well. I wanted him at home for the birth and not with another family due to Covid-19 precaution. So, although she did help me for sure and I am so grateful she stayed the 2.5 days and didn’t give up on me, I wasn’t totally connected with her like my “real” doula and like I said, her focus primarily was childcare. My husband and I grappled with the question of “when to call the midwives” who we were in communication with during the day, but whenever we spoke we reported the inconsistent labor patterns, so having them come over seemed unnecessary. In hindsight, we probably could’ve called them over on Tuesday before heading through the night again. I do think that some of my labor patterns might’ve been due to me not feeling “secure” yet without my birth team there. However, maybe I just needed to labor on my own like that for a long time to get to the place that they were needed on Thursday am. I don’t know. On Thursday am, after I made it through another night, we called the midwives. They arrived at 8:20 am on Thursday April 9. Upon arrival and assessment, I was given a bag of IV fluids to help me replenish since I’d been going for so long with labor. More food was pushed as well along with homeopathics. The midwives determined that the baby’s head may be a bit posterior with the baby at an LOT position instead of LOA position. So while getting the IV, I used a peanut ball and did the exaggerated side lying pose on my right side to turn him for around 1-2 hours. I could feel him moving and contractions were painful in that position but turns out it worked. I had two cervical checks that day but I chose to not be told what my dilation was at either. I wanted to trust my body to know when it was ready to push without having outside guidance telling me and I didn’t want the additional mental challenge of knowing certain numbers of dilation and feeling defeated if they weren’t “high enough” or whatnot. The marathon I had been running felt like such a mental and emotional challenge when I’d get up to 3-5 minute contractions consistently, thinking I was near the end, but then not be…because it wouldn’t stay there. After such a long early labor, I mentally wouldn’t be able to hear that I was “only” at a certain dilation. I also had the knowledge that those numbers don’t necessarily correspond to lengths of time to completion. Birth is not a linear process. (This is one of the main reasons I planned for a home birth with midwifery care. I knew my labor and birth wouldn’t be put on a false timeline or be forced unnecessary interventions like what happens in the majority of maternal care policies and just the cultural norms.) The mental “mind fuck” of knowing the dilation numbers wasn’t a risk I wanted to take after an already very challenging 2 days of labor at home. I come to find out after the fact that at 8:30 am on Thursday I was around 4 cm dilated and sometime around noon I was 9/10 cm and by 2:30 pm I was spontaneously pushing. So…in medical terms of what is “active” labor, I really wasn’t even in active labor until 6 cm… so, the 2 days could be considered early labor, again, terms, because it all felt very hard and active to me. I remember right before pushing that I told my midwife I wanted to but I was afraid and I don’t think I can labor for like ten more labors, and she just replied with “listen to your body.” She didn’t say yes, do it, no, don’t. I had to trust that it was ok and truly just listen in to myself and my power and move past the doubt that I was just in that same start/stop labor as before. Once I started, the midwives started moving much faster in the bedroom prepping all of the materials needed, as I literally was birthing probably in the most inconvenient spot in our bedroom, blocking being able to walk to and from in the room. I was on the ground, on my knees, with a birth ball and my arms outstretched across the birth ball which I laid my chest on and held to rest in between contractions. I held my husband hostage pulling on him arms like crazy during contractions. We had planned on him catching the baby, but that wasn’t going to happen because I trapped him there. I could feel him moving down and at some point they said they saw the head and I was able to touch it. Knowing that he was finally coming down, and being able to touch his head, I became determined to get him out asap. any regards for pushing slowly or whatnot went out the window. I was very loud and dropped a few f bombs. I hear that some women need to “roar” their babies out, and that was for sure the case for me. If our neighbor was home, I might have traumatized her. Baby was born 35 minutes later from start of pushing. The student midwife (who was awesome) caught him and pulled him up from under me as I sat back to pull him up. They helped us onto the edge of the bed as they were checking him. I birthed the placenta not long afterwards. Our son Lincoln was able to join us soon afterwards to meet his little brother.
So, it was an extremely long labor, which gave me a great opportunity for mental strength and a very short, spontaneous pushing phase which taught me full on personal power and trust. I should add, little man also surprised us with a nuchal hand (hand presenting alongside his head as he came out) which may have contributed to the dysfunctional labor patterns. I am so very grateful to my fantastic midwife team and my extremely loving and supportive husband who helped me work through the labor. The long labor was hard on him too but he never gave up on me or us. He understood my desires for a spontaneous normal birth for my VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) without unnecessary interventions and he showed up for all aspects of the prenatal care and supportive role before, during and after labor. I am so proud of the team our family of four has become and how we are dealing with a birth during Covid-19 which has limited the amount of help we can have as our families all live out of state and we’re trying to adhere to social distancing. It’s not easy with a toddler cooped up at home either. I’m so grateful I was able to give birth to my son at home. I now have experience having a son by scheduled cesarean in a hospital with no labor and a long labor, nuchal hand HBAC. Grateful for the blessings and lessons with each.
*In addition* added later…
In talking with my midwife at my last checkup, I asked her why she thought the labor was so long… was it bc of a first time labor? the nuchal hand? his position?
She said that she thought the labor pattern became dysfunctional most likely due to my body being too tired and depleted to make it to the next step, so once I had an IV of fluids and felt safer once the “team” was there, my body was able to make it to the next level. And in reality, it actually went through active labor very quickly (probably only 5-7 hours from 6 cm to 10). The stress of covid-19 leading up to the birth, and the lack of childcare for my toddler for the whole labor, my doula not being able to come… all of these things were not helpful. ha. no kidding. They were not. I am amazed I did it honestly to be able to give birth like that after a few days in that environment. If I were to do it again, I’d have childcare for my toddler and have the doula I was working with being able to be there (which wasn’t possible in this scenario), and I’d call the midwives before the second night to come check on me before having to make it through another night “on my own.” I have no regrets though. It unfolded how it was supposed to. I now have experience, strength, and hope to share with other women.
Birth and Botox 